A little change

Wow, those were me just a few years ago and yet I feel like I’ve changed so much. Today’s train of thought would be about change, I suppose.

These days I keep feeling like I have been stagnant and unable to improve myself further. So many things that I want to do but I’d always have no mood, no motivation to do it and table it for a later date. I kept trying to figure out why I’m never doing the things I want to do, and I realize truly, I am afraid of change.

Change is inevitable, we all know it, yet not all of us embrace it truthfully. Change means giving things / events the chance to go out of your control. The courage to embrace the unknown. Most of the time we’re all used to being in control that we’re only used to adapting to small changes and not big changes. When we fear something, we tend to let fear takeover the better of our decisions.

Humans are a living contradiction. I love the thrills that the unknown brings me and I definitely love those activities that are high risk such as sky-diving etc. Yet, I’m also a perfectionist. This means that having things go out of control in my life, is a huge nightmare. I’m a planner and it’s comforting for me to know or at least have a basic plan for the days and events in my life. After all a life without a plan is doomed to fail. Yet I can’t deny that most of my best adventures in life comes from days when I just do whatever I want without a concrete plan.

So, I’m taking the leap.

Starting September, I’m going to work towards doing everything I’ve always wanted to do but never dared to tried. From going back to church, to trampoline parks, rock climbing, travelling alone to working harder at work, being more truthful to my feelings and prioritizing myself. There’re tons of plans in progress, but I also want to allow myself to ‘not plan’ too much too. Allowing the changes to come in my life.

Reviewing myself this past few years, I’ve become so stagnant and afraid of everything that I lose track of who I’m becoming and who I want to be. It’s easy to still describe it but I know that I’m no longer working hard towards my goal. I’ve started becoming too harsh on myself in everything and forget how loving myself should be like. I’ve forgotten how sometimes the tragedies in our life can just mean that a better opportunity is coming along. I’ve forgotten that despite everything, I have Him to provide what I need.

It’s time to bring some changes and life back into my life.

Maybe this change would be for the better, maybe it would be for the worse. None of us would know till we try. On a side note, I do so miss my colored hair.