I’ve always thought that, with the world behind my back, I
would not be so scared. I would be brave, to face on any difficulties and
overcome the hurdles. At that point, the ‘world’ probably referred to the
people around me, my pillars of support.
Lately I’ve been lonely. It has become harder for me to find
someone to speak to, someone to truly bare my heart with. Everything just feels
so hard to handle right now and I’m in a constant state of tiredness. Tired of
losing friends, tired of doing things wrong, tired of everything. I’d look in
the mirror and I’m not sure if it’s myself I’m seeing anymore. It seems that
every step I take with the people I treasure, only ended up pushing them even
further away from me.
Is it that our time with each other is up? I doubt I’d ever
be able to go back to the past with them. What happened to all those times we
promised we’d stick by each other forever? It got lost between our exchanges,
our selfish blames, our meaningless arguments and banter. It’s never a one-sided
fault, so I’ve never thought that I am blame-less. Perhaps it would have been
easier if I’d thought I did not do anything wrong, then at least I’d stop blaming
myself as much. But I know, I’ve done things wrong myself too.
Sorry. One word. But it is so hard for people to understand
the meaning, voice it properly and use it. But it seems to be too late for that
word to help.
I will probably find myself back again, somewhere along the
way. But I don’t know if those people I treasured and lost, I would ever find
back again.